


there is always somewhere

by secretlychaoticenthusiast



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Reincarnation, soulmatesAU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-01 13:15:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20815754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretlychaoticenthusiast/pseuds/secretlychaoticenthusiast
Summary: In every life there is always one person Jungeun remembers.





	there is always somewhere

**Author's Note:**

> Jungeun doesn’t remember everything. She doesn’t always remember her name, her face, her body. But she always remembers her, and she always, always loves her.
> 
> (Sometimes she loves Jungeun too.)

#

Every life comes like fingers over Jungeun’s eyes. The full picture isn’t there, but when has anyone ever needed the full picture?

It comes with her.

#

One day, Kim Jiwoo looked at Jungeun. One day, Jungeun realized that she was lonely. One day, Jungeun started to see several days that never happened.

She smiled and somehow Jungeun knew the curve of her mouth and the set of her jaw. Jungeun heard her voice and she also heard church bells, stilted cries and gravely murmurs of grandous foreigners.

Jungeun still smiled back because how could she not?

#

Jungeun falls like rain in summer. Heavy and fast and ugly - unrelentless. But sometimes Jiwoo likes the sound of it. Sometimes she just stares at Jungeun, her brown hair down and eyes bright. She’s the sun that picks Jungeun up and brings her to the sky.

And Jungeun remembers, sometimes Jiwoo loves her.

#

Sometimes she does not.

#

She’s angry one day. Not at Jungeun, but at girls who make Jungeun’s head buzz faintly (maybe she remembers them too). Jiwoo’s brown eyes are hard, jaw set tight in an expression Jungeun recognizes but not from this life.

In the pits of Jungeun’s belly there is rejection.

Jiwoo’s face softens when she looks at Jungeun, really looks. “Jungeun? What’s wrong?”

Jungeun’s not crying, but Jiwoo understands her. Sometimes so well Jungeun wonder if she remembers. Jungeun’s lips turn up as she meets Jiwoo’s eyes. Yes, sometimes Jiwoo really does love her. “I’m fine, Jiwooming. But you should try to calm down - maybe they’ll surprise you.”

“They’re amateurs. Not even good ones,” she says.

#

The first time Jungeun see Jiwoo perform, she also see flashes of something else. Vaudvillian nights; dark, red dresses, a brunette performer who shines on a desolate stage. There are traces of the others. Sooyoung, Hyejoo - all of them, but it’s her who sticks out.

Jiwoo looks at Jungeun, both now and then, past and present; and she winks. Jungeun wonders if she’ll remember this in the next life, remember the adrenaline and how she can’t quite steady her heart.

Jiwoo stops, a crowd claps - Jungeun knows where she is. In between eight other girls, she thinks that this may be her best life as a surge of warmth travels through her chest to her face so that she’s smiling so hard that a pain strikes her cheeks. Yes. She can remember all of them.

Jiwoo peeks out from down the line and catches Jungeun’s gaze. She laughs, her teeth gleaming under the stage lights. For the first time in this life Jungeun feel content.

#

“We’re graduating soon,” Jiwoo says when it’s just them two. Chaewon doesn’t want to hear it, so the two of them avoid bringing it up when she’s around. Jiwoo doesn’t seem like she wants to hear it either garnering the sad smile she gives.

Jungeun wants to kiss her, or touch her hand or do anything to fix it. “Yes.” It’s not something she’d like to talk about either. The thought of not being around Jiwoo - or Chaewon, or any of the girls. A part of her knows it’s unlikely given the memories of the past she get. She’s connected to them all.

But then again, fate changes.

“Would you ever consider--” Jiwoo stops and chews on her lip. Her cheeks are red, her eyes downcast. “Living with me?” She looks up at Jungeun. And Jungeun places her hand against her heart briefly to check if it’s beating. “We got into the same schools - and obviously, if there was an issue with programs it wouldn’t work. But I just thought it was a possibility.”

“A possibility,” the words leave Jungeun’s mouth a faint echo.

“If you think it’s--”

“No. I,” _would go anywhere with you. _“I’d like that.” A smile appears on Jungeun’s face, and she’s unaware at first. “I’d get to see all the cute things Jiwooming does in the morning then, wouldn’t I?”

Jiwoo’s still blushing but she laughs. “Jungeunie…” she chides, half-hearted. Then she looks up. “I love you, you know?”

_Sometimes she loves you too._

“Mmhmm!” It’s a chirp, and Jungeun makes sure her face has evened out. “I love you too.”

#

Jiwoo falls like snow.

Soft in the way that her hand occasionally comes to Jungeun’s, brushes against it before actually taking hold. Prettily, with fleeting touches, red blushes, roaming eyes. Slow in how she looks at every detail of Jungeun’s face before kissing Jungeun’s mouth.

Pure.

Jiwoo falls like she’s taking the scenic route. Like she knows where she’s at and where she’s headed. She sees every single part of Jungeun, knows every single part of her.

Jiwoo falls, and it’s for every single part of her.

#

Jungeun’s a cycle. She realizes it one day. Nothing is ever the same, not every thing repeats; but it _is _a cycle. Life, death, life, death, life, death. _Jiwoo Jiwoo Jiwoo. _The metaphysical concept of looped time where she’s only ending to begin.

Jungeun makes the same mistakes sometimes, there is no learning curve. Some people might say she has bad luck in remembering certain things so vividly. Maybe she does. She carries the burden of knowing everything is immortal. Sometimes she feel lives worth of pain, sometimes she remember rejection.

Other times she remembers love and then it doesn’t seem so bad. Not bad at all.

#

Memories hit Jungeun at odd times.

She’s in the shower with Jiwoo and sometimes Jungeun sees rain on her face, Jiwoo’s looking up with coffee brown eyes that are crinkled. She kisses Jungeun in both lives.

Jungeun’s walking and the pavement shines, and Jiwoo isn’t with her (not now) - but at the same time Jungeun sees her red shoes walking, hear a gentle _click click click _. Jiwoo looks back, her pink lips are curved into a smile.

Jungeun’s on top of her, inside of her. Her warm breath grazes Jungeun’s left cheek and she lets out these small sounds that makes Jungeun want to give her the world. Jungeun’s name comes out of her mouth in shuddering gasp like a prayer. No, like _need._

She is hot and wet on Jungeun’s fingers, she bucks further against Jungeun, she holds Jungeun like she might fall off the edge of a cliff. As if she’s scared. Her fingers dig into Jungeun’s arms, nails leaving tiny parks. And it hits Jungeun as Jiwoo’s at climax.

Her hand on Jungeun’s grabbing _tight so so tight. _Jungeun’s body is weak and sweaty, and Jiwoo’s crying while hovering over Jungeun. Plagues and death rush through Jungeun’s mind. She has died young before.

_“Don’t,” _Jiwoo says, her eyes are shimmering. They aren’t brown, she isn’t a brunette; but Jungeun knows it’s her. “ _Stay with me.”_

“Jungeun, stay with me,” Jiwoo says beneath her. “You’re shaking.”

Jungeun collapses and try to subdue the sting in her eyes. “I love you.”

Jiwoo rubs small, soft circles on the bare skin of Jungeun’s back, kisses the hair above her ear. “I love you, too.”

#

Jungeun tells her one day. The truths of being immortal, the cycle that she is, the memories. All of it. Jiwoo laughs, but doesn’t denounce Jungeun. Her head lifts back and the column of her neck shows as she laughs. Her teeth shine, her eyes are bright and squinting.

It makes Jungeun smile. “You don’t believe me?” she asks with one brow raised. In one swift move, Jungeun’s next to Jiwoo.

Jiwoo places her hand against Jungeun’s cheek and kisses her soft and quick like a drop of snow. “Of course I do.” Another kisses and Jiwoo pulls Jungeun on top of her so she’s falling on her back. “What do you remember?”

Her hair is auburn brown against the white bed sheets, it’s hard to think of anything but a halo. Jungeun’s distracted and don’t answer, so she asks, “The girls?”

_The girls. _The concept is so distant, yet so close. The girls who she loves so very much. How could she not remember them. “ _Mmhmm. _” Jungeun kisses her ear.

“Chaewon?”

Jungeun laugh at that and think about her other roommate. “Of course.”

Jiwoo kisses the corner of Jungeun’s mouth. “Me?”

“Always.”

“And do you love me?” Jiwoo bites down on her lip. Her Jiwooming, her person, her everything.

“Always,” Jungeun repeats.

Jiwoo kisses Jungeun fully, her mouth on hers, lips and tongue ghosting across Jungeun’s already heated skin. “And do I love you?” Jiwoo asks.

Jungeun laugh against her. It comes out muffled and distorted. “Sometimes.”

Jiwoo’s eyebrows crease and she purses her lips. She looks at Jungeun plainly, a look Jungeun have seen thousands of times. A curious look, like she’s trying to solve a puzzle; though Jungeun’s are far less complex than she likes to believe. “No. I’ve always loved you, too.”

“Oh yeah? Do you remember as well, Jiwooming?”

  
“No…” Jiwoo grabs Jungeun’s face so that she can look at nothing but her eyes. And then, as if she were talking about the laws of physics, the certainty of math, the color of blood, Jiwoo says, “But how could I not?”


End file.
